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| Name | G | AB | R | H | 2B | 3B | HR | RBI | TB | BB | K | SB | CS | AVG | OBP | SLG | OPS | WAR |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bass Reeves 2B | 47 | 204 | 56 | 67 | 32 | 1 | 7 | 30 | 122 | 30 | 46 | 34 | 8 | .328 | .411 | .598 | 1.009 | 4.3 |
| Lawn Gnomes RF | 47 | 195 | 41 | 66 | 17 | 0 | 9 | 44 | 110 | 18 | 44 | 0 | 0 | .338 | .392 | .564 | .956 | 2.0 |
| Chazz Lamborghini DH | 47 | 194 | 29 | 46 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 38 | 85 | 21 | 48 | 0 | 0 | .237 | .309 | .438 | .747 | 0.1 |
| Ted Giannoulas 1B | 47 | 193 | 38 | 57 | 11 | 0 | 15 | 57 | 113 | 32 | 54 | 0 | 0 | .295 | .388 | .585 | .973 | 1.7 |
| Xicoyotl Montalbán 3B | 47 | 193 | 34 | 58 | 11 | 1 | 9 | 38 | 98 | 9 | 41 | 1 | 1 | .301 | .332 | .508 | .839 | 1.1 |
| Daniel Plainview C | 47 | 187 | 37 | 65 | 19 | 1 | 12 | 48 | 122 | 24 | 46 | 1 | 0 | .348 | .425 | .652 | 1.078 | 3.1 |
| Literal Flamingo SS | 47 | 180 | 37 | 53 | 15 | 4 | 4 | 22 | 88 | 15 | 44 | 0 | 0 | .294 | .349 | .489 | .838 | 1.4 |
| Smalls LF | 47 | 175 | 36 | 57 | 17 | 1 | 6 | 21 | 94 | 33 | 41 | 0 | 0 | .326 | .433 | .537 | .970 | 1.6 |
| Yvonne Escence CF | 47 | 173 | 30 | 43 | 11 | 1 | 3 | 28 | 65 | 23 | 45 | 0 | 0 | .249 | .351 | .376 | .727 | 0.8 |
