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| Name | G | AB | R | H | 2B | 3B | HR | RBI | TB | BB | K | SB | CS | AVG | OBP | SLG | OPS | WAR |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Michael Honcho RF | 89 | 401 | 75 | 113 | 10 | 2 | 17 | 43 | 178 | 33 | 59 | 59 | 18 | .282 | .339 | .444 | .783 | 2.5 |
| Dusty Backstop C | 89 | 381 | 59 | 118 | 3 | 0 | 20 | 67 | 181 | 31 | 75 | 0 | 1 | .310 | .362 | .475 | .837 | 3.6 |
| Faye Tafo-Felia CF | 89 | 380 | 55 | 119 | 8 | 3 | 12 | 55 | 169 | 42 | 64 | 0 | 2 | .313 | .379 | .445 | .824 | 3.4 |
| Willy Whacker DH | 89 | 368 | 50 | 103 | 18 | 0 | 15 | 60 | 166 | 45 | 77 | 0 | 0 | .280 | .358 | .451 | .809 | 1.1 |
| Brian Taylor 1B | 89 | 367 | 64 | 107 | 17 | 0 | 10 | 43 | 154 | 58 | 63 | 0 | 0 | .292 | .392 | .420 | .811 | 1.7 |
| Enrique von Muy Caliente 2B | 89 | 344 | 43 | 102 | 11 | 1 | 7 | 38 | 136 | 43 | 56 | 0 | 2 | .297 | .378 | .395 | .773 | 2.6 |
| Jaheem Butler LF | 89 | 341 | 37 | 97 | 14 | 0 | 9 | 52 | 138 | 31 | 66 | 0 | 1 | .284 | .344 | .405 | .749 | 0.2 |
| Rice Shower SS | 89 | 332 | 28 | 72 | 6 | 3 | 4 | 43 | 96 | 27 | 57 | 0 | 1 | .217 | .277 | .289 | .567 | -1.8 |
| Man Of Steal 3B | 89 | 308 | 52 | 88 | 6 | 1 | 18 | 47 | 150 | 41 | 57 | 16 | 1 | .286 | .370 | .487 | .857 | 2.0 |
| Tommy Killfigure RF | 41 | 12 | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .417 | .562 | .500 | 1.062 | 0.1 |
| Gunnar Skovgaard SS | 44 | 11 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | .182 | .308 | .182 | .490 | 0.1 |
