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| Name | Age | Pos | Contact | Gap | Power | Eye | Avoid K's |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Paddington Adams [BOT] | 39 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Handel Aldi's Nuts | 23 | 3B | 58 | 25 | 56 | 30 | 55 |
| Lots-o'-Heineken Bear [BOT] | 28 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Bobs Bigboy | 23 | 1B | 55 | 35 | 65 | 30 | 55 |
| Sack Boy | 20 | C | 39 | 33 | 25 | 50 | 40 |
| Zaxby Chan | 20 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 19 | 1 |
| Jerry Coleman | 21 | C | 41 | 40 | 47 | 25 | 45 |
| Agnes Digital | 20 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 19 | 1 |
| Freddy Fordham [BOT] | 24 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Real Games | 21 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 19 | 1 |
| Gary the Giraffe | 25 | SS | 46 | 30 | 20 | 30 | 43 |
| Career Minor Leaguer | 21 | CF | 51 | 30 | 23 | 45 | 50 |
| T.J Money | 21 | DH | 29 | 26 | 46 | 35 | 35 |
| Calvin O'Shanassy | 22 | LF | 60 | 43 | 41 | 36 | 54 |
| Thomas Sankara | 23 | SS | 49 | 30 | 41 | 30 | 50 |
| Smokey Schlitz [BOT] | 29 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Vumion Stitcherson | 23 | 2B | 55 | 30 | 60 | 30 | 50 |
| Swiffer Sweeper | 21 | RF | 54 | 50 | 40 | 30 | 50 |
| Winnie the Pabst [BOT] | 38 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Srevor Tory | 22 | DH | 55 | 41 | 65 | 30 | 55 |
| Kevin Williams | 21 | P | 4 | 1 | 1 | 13 | 1 |
| Maru Zensky | 21 | P | 1 | 1 | 1 | 19 | 1 |
| Name | Age | Role | Stuff | Movement | Control | Velocity | Stamina |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Paddington Adams [BOT] | 39 | RP | 60 | 55 | 55 | 91-93 Mph | 30 |
| Lots-o'-Heineken Bear [BOT] | 28 | RP | 48 | 51 | 51 | 91-93 Mph | 50 |
| Zaxby Chan | 20 | SP | 58 | 50 | 61 | 91-93 Mph | 50 |
| Agnes Digital | 20 | SP | 58 | 55 | 60 | 91-93 Mph | 50 |
| Freddy Fordham [BOT] | 24 | RP | 48 | 51 | 51 | 91-93 Mph | 50 |
| Real Games | 21 | SP | 57 | 49 | 51 | 93-95 Mph | 53 |
| Smokey Schlitz [BOT] | 29 | RP | 60 | 56 | 55 | 91-93 Mph | 30 |
| Winnie the Pabst [BOT] | 38 | RP | 48 | 51 | 53 | 91-93 Mph | 50 |
| Kevin Williams | 21 | RP | 82 | 43 | 46 | 98-100 Mph | 50 |
| Maru Zensky | 21 | SP | 67 | 62 | 65 | 91-93 Mph | 50 |
